How do you approach the change of tween to teen
Not only is this a very puzzling time for you as a parent, it is a very confusing time for your child. Emotional outbursts, meltdowns, and stupid decisions will leave parents dumbfounded as what to do.
(How many teens does it take to change a light bulb? Only one. Your teen holds the light bulb in the socket and the whole world revolves around her.)
Question from a recent workshop:
“I find myself getting angry with my kids much too often. I can't seem to help myself – they really know how to push my buttons. When they purposely disobey me, or are outright disrespectful, I fly off the handle. How can I control my own anger when it's the kids' misbehavior that makes me so mad?”
Educate yourself about the development your tween is experiencing
It is easier to be patient and understanding with your tween if you know that most of their behaviors are the result of a physical change.
According to Dr. Jay Giedd (who has devoted the last 13 years using MRI’s to peer inside the heads of teens) the brain develops in stages. The final part of the brain to develop is the part capable of making organized decisions. For example, Do I finish my homework, or clean my room or go see a movie with my friends? Most teens will choose the movie. Which drives a parent crazy thinking their child is irresponsible. (Sometimes as an adult I think it would be good for all of us if occasionally we could all drop our responsibilities and be spontaneous like a tween.) Be patient with your tweens as they learn to be responsible There are some things you should do when when you try to reason with a teen. they will comprehend when you give immediate results. For example, “If you choose to drink alcohol on the weekends, you will probably get kicked off the football team.” Rather than “Your health will suffer” or “You will end up an alcoholic, living on the streets.”
Remember that your teenagers behavior is not just his pigheadedness to drive you crazy. In reality, they need you to teach them and be patient with them. Think about it. Is it your children's misbehavior that makes you angry? Or is it your view of their behavior that creates angry feelings? There's a big difference. The first question suggests that you have no control over your emotions or actions. The second implies that by changing your view you can change your reaction.
Top Four Tween Behaviors that Drive You Crazy and Solutions
Behavior: Emotional Outbursts (Flipping out at a simple request from mom, Blaming parents for making them late, or saying mean things to mom or dad)
Time out is for big people. too. Put some space between you and the child who's pushing your buttons. When you feel your anger rising, put yourself there! A few minutes away from the source of your angry feelings can help you calm down enough to address the situation rationally. Nothing can be solved in a fit of anger. You'll be better off if you take the time to calm down and then approach your child from a position of strength
Behavior: Sleeping In All The Time
What's normal? Learn more about child development by reading a book or taking a class. If you learn that your child's current behavior is age-appropriate and normal, you'll be less likely to overreact to the behavior. It's amazing how alike children are, and just knowing that your kid is responding in a typical way can help you handle the issue with a level head. There are many books, the internet and psychologists you can consult. (Parents go crazy when their kids sleep in late or all day long. In an adult, the melatonin in your body increases in the evening creating your body to start shutting down. In the brain of a teen the melatonin is programmed for a later hour than an adult. That is why they stay up late and then struggle to get up in the morning.)
Behavior: Stupid Decisions (Tween driving without a license)
3. Act – don't react. Take the time to think about the things that make you angry. Put together a list of family rules. Enumerate the consequences for breaking the rules. Communicate clear expectations to your children. Decide in advance and with your child what methods of discipline you will use. If you have a plan up front, you'll be less likely to lose control when your children misbehave. For example if you find out your son has been driving the family car and he is not yet 16. In this situation, ask your self why your son is stealing the car? He obviously is excited about driving. So take him out driving. This will give you the opportunity to teach him how to drive correctly. Drive with him often. So often he begs to stop. The stupid decision he has made will stop.
Behavior: MeltDown (Crying, Stressing Out, Not able to deal with a situation)
4. Hug 'em. When you find yourself ready to put your hands around your kid and shake him, DO put your hands around him – and love him. Embrace him in a hug. If possible, do this in front of a mirror or reflective window. A few minutes of quiet, while you embrace your child, will often temper your angry feelings with the strong feeling of love between you.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
"Mom, Can I ...?"
"At what age should I let my child...." is a difficult question for every parent. Especially when you have kids that push to move ahead faster than you, as a parent are ready to let them. Kids are all unique and will want different things at different ages. Here are a few ideas to help:
1. Plan Ahead. Teach your child to live in the present.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" This biblical quote(you don't have to be religious to use it) is something I used many times with my children. It is important to remind children that they will never be the age they are right now,ever again. So enjoy it. Live in the present because you can always go forward, but never back. I used it for topics such as dating, driving, sex, shaving legs, wearing makeup. Talk about it with your kids, preferably before they reach the age they think they are smarter than you.
2. Set Rules Together
This means you must communicate. When your child comes to you with a request, sit down and talk about it. Ask questions and figure out why your daughter wants to wear makeup in kindergarten. You don't want to make your child odd, but you also don't want your child to be the trend setter other parents hate.
Be reasonable. If you try to be understanding and reasonable your child will also try to abide by the goals you have both set. This is your opportunity to explain your beliefs and your fears. For example, explain why you want them to wait to single date until they are 16 years old. Girls will probably not understand that they are not secure in their ability to say "no" to a good looking young man before then. Boys are just not ready to take on the responsibility of a girl friend before 16, maybe even 21! Hanging out in large groups is fine and probably a lot more fun. If you can calmly discuss the reasons with your kids, they will surprise you with how mature they can be.
3. Do it Right
Teach them how to appropriately handle the behavior they are requesting. Don't expect because they know enough to ask permission they know what they are doing.
*When your daughter starts wearing makeup, teach her how. (Too much make up is not flattering or makes her look like a "ho".)
*Texting. Teach them when is it not appropriate to text? While driving or during class.
* Drivers License. (Take the time to drive with them. )
4. Give them an out.
Sometimes children think they are mature enough to handle a particular behavior and realize they are not ready. Parents are the perfect scapegoat. Let them out with some dignity. You do not need to say "I told you so."
*Sleep over. if they want to come home early, give them a cell phone to use
*Party that goes wild. Before they go, tell them if at any point they want to come home you will pick them up and not question why.
5. Pay Attention. It is through your child's behavior that you learn of your child's needs.
If you refuse to ignore the above steps and react out of anger with a statement such as, "Absolutely Not! " and/or "Because I said so" you are setting yourself up for failure. Anger will not change the behavior, it will only put a temporary end to the request. The behavior will eventually resurface in another form at a later date. Why? Because the behavior of your child is an exhibition of a need that requires fulfillment.
When a baby is hungry, she cries
When a toddler spies a toy he wants, he takes it.
When a teenage girl dresses risque, she is looking for the attention of teenage boys and she has found a way to get it.
Don't get angry at your child, help them. Tell them how much you love them and then teach them.
6. Safety First to ease your mind while children are spreading their wings.
Know your child's friends.
Know their friend's parents
Make sure your child has a way to contact you at all times and you them.
Remember, your goal is to teach correct principles so they can eventually govern themselves!
1. Plan Ahead. Teach your child to live in the present.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" This biblical quote(you don't have to be religious to use it) is something I used many times with my children. It is important to remind children that they will never be the age they are right now,ever again. So enjoy it. Live in the present because you can always go forward, but never back. I used it for topics such as dating, driving, sex, shaving legs, wearing makeup. Talk about it with your kids, preferably before they reach the age they think they are smarter than you.
2. Set Rules Together
This means you must communicate. When your child comes to you with a request, sit down and talk about it. Ask questions and figure out why your daughter wants to wear makeup in kindergarten. You don't want to make your child odd, but you also don't want your child to be the trend setter other parents hate.
Be reasonable. If you try to be understanding and reasonable your child will also try to abide by the goals you have both set. This is your opportunity to explain your beliefs and your fears. For example, explain why you want them to wait to single date until they are 16 years old. Girls will probably not understand that they are not secure in their ability to say "no" to a good looking young man before then. Boys are just not ready to take on the responsibility of a girl friend before 16, maybe even 21! Hanging out in large groups is fine and probably a lot more fun. If you can calmly discuss the reasons with your kids, they will surprise you with how mature they can be.
3. Do it Right
Teach them how to appropriately handle the behavior they are requesting. Don't expect because they know enough to ask permission they know what they are doing.
*When your daughter starts wearing makeup, teach her how. (Too much make up is not flattering or makes her look like a "ho".)
*Texting. Teach them when is it not appropriate to text? While driving or during class.
* Drivers License. (Take the time to drive with them. )
4. Give them an out.
Sometimes children think they are mature enough to handle a particular behavior and realize they are not ready. Parents are the perfect scapegoat. Let them out with some dignity. You do not need to say "I told you so."
*Sleep over. if they want to come home early, give them a cell phone to use
*Party that goes wild. Before they go, tell them if at any point they want to come home you will pick them up and not question why.
5. Pay Attention. It is through your child's behavior that you learn of your child's needs.
If you refuse to ignore the above steps and react out of anger with a statement such as, "Absolutely Not! " and/or "Because I said so" you are setting yourself up for failure. Anger will not change the behavior, it will only put a temporary end to the request. The behavior will eventually resurface in another form at a later date. Why? Because the behavior of your child is an exhibition of a need that requires fulfillment.
When a baby is hungry, she cries
When a toddler spies a toy he wants, he takes it.
When a teenage girl dresses risque, she is looking for the attention of teenage boys and she has found a way to get it.
Don't get angry at your child, help them. Tell them how much you love them and then teach them.
6. Safety First to ease your mind while children are spreading their wings.
Know your child's friends.
Know their friend's parents
Make sure your child has a way to contact you at all times and you them.
Remember, your goal is to teach correct principles so they can eventually govern themselves!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Back to School-Teaching Kids to be Self Sufficient
It seems that just when you have adjusted to a summer schedule, school begins for fall, which means a whole new routine. When school starts, moms have more time and freedom, which is a welcome relief. But it can be quite stressful when your child comes home at the end of their first day frustrated with problems. Remember your child is facing new classes, new teachers, new schedules, and plenty of new expectations. Whenever there is change involving new opportunities, there is also excitement, tears, frustration and confusion. Sometimes as parents we expect our children to handle these problems on their own. Most children need help learning organization skills. If you can teach your child to be self sufficient or more organized, you can lesson the frustrations.
As a parent, your goal is to teach your child organization skills so eventually they will be self sufficient.
Acknowledge that each child will have new problems as they return to school. Your goal is to solve each problem as they arrive calmly. By doing this you are teaching them problem solving techniques that will benefit them throughout their lives.
1. Discuss the problem with your child.
2. Discuss possible solutions.
3. Let your child choose the solution.
4. Help your child accomplish the desired solution
Example Problem:
Lost notes from a teacher or missing homework assignments.
Example Solutions:
1. Organized Backpack
2. Organize an area at home for school assignments
3. Organization at school for locker or desk
4. Buy a planner and show your child how to use it
5. Go online to check student's progress
Remember:
1. You are "teaching". Do not expect that your child automatically knows how to organize or be self sufficient.
2. Have patience, especially with those kids that are lacking in organizational skills. Do not expect perfection immediately
3. Stay calm. This is not a problem that should destroy the relationship
4. Your child wants to be successful. Your child wants to be self sufficient. Help them to find that success.
Parenting Workshop
Thursday, September 16th
Barnes and Noble
10180 South State Street
Sandy, Utah
7:30 p.m.
Register online at www.parentfix.com
It seems that just when you have adjusted to a summer schedule, school begins for fall, which means a whole new routine. When school starts, moms have more time and freedom, which is a welcome relief. But it can be quite stressful when your child comes home at the end of their first day frustrated with problems. Remember your child is facing new classes, new teachers, new schedules, and plenty of new expectations. Whenever there is change involving new opportunities, there is also excitement, tears, frustration and confusion. Sometimes as parents we expect our children to handle these problems on their own. Most children need help learning organization skills. If you can teach your child to be self sufficient or more organized, you can lesson the frustrations.
As a parent, your goal is to teach your child organization skills so eventually they will be self sufficient.
Acknowledge that each child will have new problems as they return to school. Your goal is to solve each problem as they arrive calmly. By doing this you are teaching them problem solving techniques that will benefit them throughout their lives.
1. Discuss the problem with your child.
2. Discuss possible solutions.
3. Let your child choose the solution.
4. Help your child accomplish the desired solution
Example Problem:
Lost notes from a teacher or missing homework assignments.
Example Solutions:
1. Organized Backpack
2. Organize an area at home for school assignments
3. Organization at school for locker or desk
4. Buy a planner and show your child how to use it
5. Go online to check student's progress
Remember:
1. You are "teaching". Do not expect that your child automatically knows how to organize or be self sufficient.
2. Have patience, especially with those kids that are lacking in organizational skills. Do not expect perfection immediately
3. Stay calm. This is not a problem that should destroy the relationship
4. Your child wants to be successful. Your child wants to be self sufficient. Help them to find that success.
Parenting Workshop
Thursday, September 16th
Barnes and Noble
10180 South State Street
Sandy, Utah
7:30 p.m.
Register online at www.parentfix.com
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Responses to the Summer Challenge
I got such a kick out of the responses I got on my webpage to the summer challenge we gave to parents on Studio 5, that I thought I would post a few on this blog. All I can say is "Way to go parents!". Just the fact that you took this seriously and gave it a try is amazing. Here goes:
I took your summer challenge. I gotta admit, I did not believe it would work. But I was at my wits end with the fighting and arguing going on with my three little boys. Instead of getting done all the things on my list, I changed gears and we spent every morning doing activities my boys wanted to do. I can’t tell you the change this brought about in our family. The boys are not fighting anymore. They actually get along and play together. I even found I started looking forward to our morning activities. I really found I had a fun summer and was a lot happier playing with my kids.
Rebecca Johnston/SLC
I liked your ideas on Studio 5 about fixing relationships. I have two teenage boys who will hardly talk to me. The ignore everything I say. I figured this summer would be a good time to try and figure out what was wrong. I took your advice and started writing down our conversations. You were right. All I was doing was nagging them. I was shocked to see how negative I had become. So it was hard, but I quit saying all the negative stuff. Instead of telling them to shut off the television, I sat down and watched TV with them. We went and got slurpees every day. Something I normally never do. I was amazed how they started talking to me. I think when they realized I could be a nice person, they actually wanted me around. I’m not perfect at this yet, but I will never let our relationship go back to what it was. Thank you for that simple solution!
Jeanie Sharp/Bountiful
O.K. I know I am a bit rigid and it was my husband who suggested I try your challenge. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I have always felt bad that my kids would rather be around their dad. I’m tired of being the “not fun” parent. But I did it. I played hooky all summer. The house is a mess and I feel like we have not gotten anything responsible done, but we had the best time. I didn’t realize that it was me who was making my youngest daughter be so stressed out. She told me yesterday that this had been the best summer of her life! I actually will be sad to see them go back to school. Although it will feel good to get the house cleaned up.
Trisha Thompson/Draper
I took your summer challenge. I gotta admit, I did not believe it would work. But I was at my wits end with the fighting and arguing going on with my three little boys. Instead of getting done all the things on my list, I changed gears and we spent every morning doing activities my boys wanted to do. I can’t tell you the change this brought about in our family. The boys are not fighting anymore. They actually get along and play together. I even found I started looking forward to our morning activities. I really found I had a fun summer and was a lot happier playing with my kids.
Rebecca Johnston/SLC
I liked your ideas on Studio 5 about fixing relationships. I have two teenage boys who will hardly talk to me. The ignore everything I say. I figured this summer would be a good time to try and figure out what was wrong. I took your advice and started writing down our conversations. You were right. All I was doing was nagging them. I was shocked to see how negative I had become. So it was hard, but I quit saying all the negative stuff. Instead of telling them to shut off the television, I sat down and watched TV with them. We went and got slurpees every day. Something I normally never do. I was amazed how they started talking to me. I think when they realized I could be a nice person, they actually wanted me around. I’m not perfect at this yet, but I will never let our relationship go back to what it was. Thank you for that simple solution!
Jeanie Sharp/Bountiful
O.K. I know I am a bit rigid and it was my husband who suggested I try your challenge. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I have always felt bad that my kids would rather be around their dad. I’m tired of being the “not fun” parent. But I did it. I played hooky all summer. The house is a mess and I feel like we have not gotten anything responsible done, but we had the best time. I didn’t realize that it was me who was making my youngest daughter be so stressed out. She told me yesterday that this had been the best summer of her life! I actually will be sad to see them go back to school. Although it will feel good to get the house cleaned up.
Trisha Thompson/Draper
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Adjusting to Summer Parenting
Summer can be tough on Mom's as they head back to work while the kids are at home for summer vacation. This is tough. Moms express not only a lot of worry about what their kids do all day long, but a lot of guilt. As a mom you may be overwhelmed with guilt. It really does you no good to wallow in guilt. Use it to analyze your motives. It may cause you to initiate change that is best for you and your family.
For example: Are you working for extra money? Ask yourself "Do I really need this money? Is your time better spent with your kids?
Can you work less hours or job share for the summer? If you truly analyze your motives, change things up, then your guilt should ease.
If work is necessary to put food on the table or make house payments, then you can get rid of the worry by planning and be involved with your kid.
1. Activities to keep kids having fun and busy which also keep the parent involved even though they are at work:
Visits to the library for interesting books (summer book club within the family) Combination Activities that include TV and Outdoor: Watching the Tour De France and Biking; Watching Wimbledon and Playing Tennis Find a swimming pool membership where there is supervision and a lifeguard Computer classes you can work on together. Child goes to class and then teaches the parent after work
Guilt and Worry are not necessarily bad if they help you bring about change. Worry Wisely. Worrying can be a good thing. It helps you deal with problems before they become disasters. But make it productive worrying. Productive worrying catapults you into action and brings about positive results.
It is always important to express to your kids that you would rather be home with them than working. It will make you as a mom feel better too.
For example: Are you working for extra money? Ask yourself "Do I really need this money? Is your time better spent with your kids?
Can you work less hours or job share for the summer? If you truly analyze your motives, change things up, then your guilt should ease.
If work is necessary to put food on the table or make house payments, then you can get rid of the worry by planning and be involved with your kid.
1. Activities to keep kids having fun and busy which also keep the parent involved even though they are at work:
Visits to the library for interesting books (summer book club within the family) Combination Activities that include TV and Outdoor: Watching the Tour De France and Biking; Watching Wimbledon and Playing Tennis Find a swimming pool membership where there is supervision and a lifeguard Computer classes you can work on together. Child goes to class and then teaches the parent after work
Guilt and Worry are not necessarily bad if they help you bring about change. Worry Wisely. Worrying can be a good thing. It helps you deal with problems before they become disasters. But make it productive worrying. Productive worrying catapults you into action and brings about positive results.
It is always important to express to your kids that you would rather be home with them than working. It will make you as a mom feel better too.
Monday, June 7, 2010
The Best Places To Put Your Parenting Energies
Summer is an excellent time for parents to try something new with their kids. As I present parenting workshops there is one common thread in each workshop. I am seeing families under so much pressure, I think things are going to explode With all the continual pressures that currently exist in our families, it is important to figure out the best places to put our parenting energies. This requires parents to make a few changes. I challenge parents to try the following four ideas throughout the next three months of summer. As parents, I believe you will see changes in the dynamics of your family.
1. Plan Fun, Positive Activities on a Daily Basis
*Spend time together often as families, doing something you all enjoy
*It does not have to be an expensive vacation
*Get outdoors to make you feel more vibrant about life
Picnic
Watch a baseball game
Walk the dog together
Frisbee at the park
All of this leads into number 2 suggestion
2. Strengthen Your Relationship
A strong bond with your child is important. Why?
When your child is confronted with critical decisions, it is the strength of your relationship that will make the difference in your child's ability to resolve them.
Don't assume just because this is a parent/child relationship that all is well or that love/respect occur naturally. Take stock in your relationship.
Ask yourself:
Do we enjoy spending time together?
Do we have plenty of things to talk about?
Are we able to relax together?
Do we share any common interests?
Try this exercise: As you assess the situation, make note of every interaction and conversation. Jot things down. Write down what you say and your child's response.
As you analyze your data, notice the patterns that begin to emerge.
This eye-opening exercise should give you an understanding of your relationship and explain why your children are responding to your requests. If the conversations you are initiating consist mostly of negativity or nagging, the responses you get from your child will also be negative.
Think about the people you as an adult choose to be around.
Why do you think you choose the people you do?
The people I like to be around have something in common with me. Either we like to do the same activities or have vivid conversations or we laugh together. It is not someone who takes the role of a superior or a boss that is telling me what to do.
Too often we as parents end up alienating our children because we become "the order giver". Your children will not want to interact with you if they know that every conversation they have with you will be something they do not want to hear. Yes, you are the parent and the one ultimately in charge of running the home, but try to run your home like a democracy, not a dictatorship.
3. Create a Safe Haven in Your Aura and Your Home.
*A place where there is not anger, no yelling, no contention
*A place of trust, love and fun.
*A place where your children are relieved to be, a peaceful environment.
4. Let Go of Rigid Expectations (Parents don’t want to hear this but once you do it, family life becomes so much easier)
*Get rid of the notion of the perfect family.
I hate to say lower your expectations, but that is sometimes necessary. Family life is sometimes like a roller coaster with highs and lows. Learn to see the fun in it. Children will make mistakes. Don’t get angry or embarrassed. Be patient with them and be proud of their small steps to improve.
*With summer vacation everyone is home. More people means more confusion. Arguments, teasing, fighting will occur. Don’t over react. Many times when arguments arise it is possible to let your children work it out.
*An immaculate house is not always possible. You don’t need to live like slobs, but our homes cannot look like a Parade of Homes model unless you have a full time housekeeper.
Basically I am giving parents an excuse to relax; to have fun and enjoy their kids. I am allowing parents to “play hooky” from their regular schedule for 3 months. Then to assess the aura in their home.
Children who come from homes like this are happy. They have less illnesses. They are successful in school, successful in careers, and successful in relationships.
1. Plan Fun, Positive Activities on a Daily Basis
*Spend time together often as families, doing something you all enjoy
*It does not have to be an expensive vacation
*Get outdoors to make you feel more vibrant about life
Picnic
Watch a baseball game
Walk the dog together
Frisbee at the park
All of this leads into number 2 suggestion
2. Strengthen Your Relationship
A strong bond with your child is important. Why?
When your child is confronted with critical decisions, it is the strength of your relationship that will make the difference in your child's ability to resolve them.
Don't assume just because this is a parent/child relationship that all is well or that love/respect occur naturally. Take stock in your relationship.
Ask yourself:
Do we enjoy spending time together?
Do we have plenty of things to talk about?
Are we able to relax together?
Do we share any common interests?
Try this exercise: As you assess the situation, make note of every interaction and conversation. Jot things down. Write down what you say and your child's response.
As you analyze your data, notice the patterns that begin to emerge.
This eye-opening exercise should give you an understanding of your relationship and explain why your children are responding to your requests. If the conversations you are initiating consist mostly of negativity or nagging, the responses you get from your child will also be negative.
Think about the people you as an adult choose to be around.
Why do you think you choose the people you do?
The people I like to be around have something in common with me. Either we like to do the same activities or have vivid conversations or we laugh together. It is not someone who takes the role of a superior or a boss that is telling me what to do.
Too often we as parents end up alienating our children because we become "the order giver". Your children will not want to interact with you if they know that every conversation they have with you will be something they do not want to hear. Yes, you are the parent and the one ultimately in charge of running the home, but try to run your home like a democracy, not a dictatorship.
3. Create a Safe Haven in Your Aura and Your Home.
*A place where there is not anger, no yelling, no contention
*A place of trust, love and fun.
*A place where your children are relieved to be, a peaceful environment.
4. Let Go of Rigid Expectations (Parents don’t want to hear this but once you do it, family life becomes so much easier)
*Get rid of the notion of the perfect family.
I hate to say lower your expectations, but that is sometimes necessary. Family life is sometimes like a roller coaster with highs and lows. Learn to see the fun in it. Children will make mistakes. Don’t get angry or embarrassed. Be patient with them and be proud of their small steps to improve.
*With summer vacation everyone is home. More people means more confusion. Arguments, teasing, fighting will occur. Don’t over react. Many times when arguments arise it is possible to let your children work it out.
*An immaculate house is not always possible. You don’t need to live like slobs, but our homes cannot look like a Parade of Homes model unless you have a full time housekeeper.
Basically I am giving parents an excuse to relax; to have fun and enjoy their kids. I am allowing parents to “play hooky” from their regular schedule for 3 months. Then to assess the aura in their home.
Children who come from homes like this are happy. They have less illnesses. They are successful in school, successful in careers, and successful in relationships.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Identify Inner Strengths
Identify Inner Strengths:
An inner strength differs from a talent or skill. A talent or skill is something a child develops such as musical skill, athletic ability, or artistic ability. Inner strengths are something your children are born with or something they inherit from their parents. The inner strengths we are talking about are qualities like honesty, compassion, patience, determination, persistence.
When it comes to Inner Strengths, children learn more from our examples than from what we as parents preach. They are constantly monitoring our expressions and moods. Babies come into this world without a sense of self, though that self begins almost immediately to be filled in by parents who become crucial mirrors of their children's worth...your reflections of him are the first he experiences. To the young child, you are magnified until you take on the appearance of a God.
Now, that's a lot of pressure for a parent to stop and think about. But it should also give parents a sense of power knowing that you can influence their child for the better. So what actions can parents do to help children with inner strengths?
1. Be an Example
As parents when we try to help our children discover their "inner strengths" the biggest factor is example, specifically a parent's example. Children learn more from our examples than from what we as parents preach. You can't expect your child to develop the strength of respect for others if he hears you yelling over the phone at the cable company for over charging you. You can't get mad at your child for hitting other children at school if you are spanking them at home. Be the best person you can be and your child will emulate those character traits you exemplify.
2. Help your child identify or acknowledge their inner strength.
Pay close attention to your children and notice the strengths they have. Talk to your spouse to find out the strengths they have noticed. Then verbalize to your child when you witness one of their inner strengths. They need to hear how unique they are and how wonderful it is that they have that strength. "It is so nice to spend time with you. You are such a calm, patient person." Or "I love your drive. That competitive nature will help you when you are playing soccer."
3. Teach your child how to nurture their inner strength.
We all know that practice makes perfect, so help your child practice using the strengths they have been given. When you notice your child sharing a toy with a friend, Compliment them on doing so. Say something like, "Didn't that make you feel good inside to share with your friend. Look how happy he is." Or "Did you notice that warm feeling inside? If makes you feel good all over when you do nice things for another person.
"Children Learn What they Live"
-Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
An inner strength differs from a talent or skill. A talent or skill is something a child develops such as musical skill, athletic ability, or artistic ability. Inner strengths are something your children are born with or something they inherit from their parents. The inner strengths we are talking about are qualities like honesty, compassion, patience, determination, persistence.
When it comes to Inner Strengths, children learn more from our examples than from what we as parents preach. They are constantly monitoring our expressions and moods. Babies come into this world without a sense of self, though that self begins almost immediately to be filled in by parents who become crucial mirrors of their children's worth...your reflections of him are the first he experiences. To the young child, you are magnified until you take on the appearance of a God.
Now, that's a lot of pressure for a parent to stop and think about. But it should also give parents a sense of power knowing that you can influence their child for the better. So what actions can parents do to help children with inner strengths?
1. Be an Example
As parents when we try to help our children discover their "inner strengths" the biggest factor is example, specifically a parent's example. Children learn more from our examples than from what we as parents preach. You can't expect your child to develop the strength of respect for others if he hears you yelling over the phone at the cable company for over charging you. You can't get mad at your child for hitting other children at school if you are spanking them at home. Be the best person you can be and your child will emulate those character traits you exemplify.
2. Help your child identify or acknowledge their inner strength.
Pay close attention to your children and notice the strengths they have. Talk to your spouse to find out the strengths they have noticed. Then verbalize to your child when you witness one of their inner strengths. They need to hear how unique they are and how wonderful it is that they have that strength. "It is so nice to spend time with you. You are such a calm, patient person." Or "I love your drive. That competitive nature will help you when you are playing soccer."
3. Teach your child how to nurture their inner strength.
We all know that practice makes perfect, so help your child practice using the strengths they have been given. When you notice your child sharing a toy with a friend, Compliment them on doing so. Say something like, "Didn't that make you feel good inside to share with your friend. Look how happy he is." Or "Did you notice that warm feeling inside? If makes you feel good all over when you do nice things for another person.
"Children Learn What they Live"
-Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.
If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
He learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find love in the world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
