Unfortunately, the society our children are growing up in is rooted in meanness. Although, this is not a new phenomenon, it does seem to have escalated in recent years. Parents should be concerned when their kids are being mean and also when people are mean to their kids. In today’s world many of the adults and peers your child must deal with use sarcasm, teasing, name-calling or other behaviors that is degrading. Much of this behavior might be considered close to or akin to bullying behavior.
It seems that in today’s society you cannot get away from it. Many of today’s television programs thrive on meanness. Much of the humor on TV these days is mean-spirited stuff; a lot of anger and dysfunction disguised in family sitcoms and reality shows. If kids continually see and hear it, they will mimic it. Television is not the only cause, but it does add to bad behavior.
It is important that your children can distinguish between the positive and the negative. Once they understand and feel the difference, they will strive to fill their lives with positive influences and surround themselves with uplifting people. This knowledge not only helps them through the teenage years, but as adults when dealing with co-workers, bosses, friends and raising children(your grandchildren).
How do you help your child not emulate this edgy behavior?
1. Make sure in your home you do not use sarcasm as a form of humor. Too often the negative behaviors our kids imitate begin in the home. As parents we may not even realize it, but our humor may be mean. Humor is important in our families, but it is important to make sure when we laugh it is at the situation, not making fun of another person. The attitudes and behaviors of our children begin with the parents.
2. Help your child be aware of meanness and where it is coming from. You do not want your child to feel bad about themselves when they are bullied, made fun of or belittled. It happens to everyone at some point in their lives. So help your children understand this meanness is not about them. Rather, it is showing the insecurities about the person who is attacking them.
3. Monitor the programs your child is watching on television. Script writers are taught to create conflict. There is deliberate casting and deliberate provocation because it boosts ratings. Because it makes the show funnier, often this meanness is disguised in nice family sitcoms. Watch programs with your children and point out the meanness. Your child is capable of understanding how a comment or an incident can hurt someone’s feeling, even if it is funny. Help your kids understand what is appropriate and not appropriate behavior.
4. Teach your child to walk away. If someone is treating your child in a negative manner, they need to know it is O.K. to remove themselves from the situation; that includes a friend, a teacher, a coach, a boss...anyone who affects them in a negative way. You want your child to know they are of value and not allow anyone to treat them this way.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Belief Windows
Belief Windows
As I do parenting workshops or work one on one with parents, I have found many parents are struggling to create a peaceful environment in their homes. It seems there is constant bickering between family members and relationships with their children or their spouse are so negative. Often the problem lies within the parent and their Belief Windows. Belief Windows affect the decisions we make and the actions we take with our families.
What are Belief Windows?
You cannot actually see your Belief Window because it’s invisible, but we all have one. It is figuratively attached to your head and hangs in front of your face Every time you move, that window goes with you. You look at the world through it and what you see is filtered back to you through it. Our outlook on the world around us is determined by our belief windows. We begin forming these belief windows from birth. Some of the belief statements are good, some not so good. These windows change as we change and improve.
How do these Belief Windows form?
The Beliefs on our windows:
*Come from previous experience. Example: As a child you have had a bad experience with a dog, you might believe that all dogs are vicious.
*Come from what people have taught us when we were young or from cultural messages. Example: As a child you take candy from the store and parent makes you go back and pay for it. You learn stealing is bad.
*General observations of life Example: Growing up, you watch as your father always takes out the garbage, you assume it is a husbands responsibility to take care of garbage
Some of us can barely see out of our belief windows because they are so crowded with
statements of how we believe things should be. The smaller the viewing area through our window, the less willing we will be to test our assumptions and beliefs.
Examples of destructive Family Belief Windows:
*Good moms have a clean house at all times
*Successful children get all “A’s”
*Children should be reading by the time they start kindergarten
*If we have money, or a big house, or a nice car, we will be a happy family.
*Child should attend a particular college
*Daughter should play tennis/Son should play football
*Children should never talk back to their parents
(Something is wrong is you have too many “shoulds” on your window. Be wary of “should” behaviors)
So, how well can you see out of your belief window?
Is it streaked with lots of untrue, outdated, or damaging belief statements
that limit your options in life?
Or is it clean and easy to see through, framed by tested and true belief
statements that keep your options open?
We can clear our belief windows.
First, we need to recognize and acknowledge the very existence of these belief statements and that some of them might be wrong and stopping our progression.
Second, look at the results you are getting in life. Are these results bringing you happiness or do they produce pain in your life.
Third, Ask yourself what beliefs might be on your Belief Window that could be changed. Talk to a friend or a professional to get an impartial opinion.
Fourth, Implement a new behavior and evaluate the results. A correct belief on your belief window should bring peace and happiness into your life and your family.
Examples always help:
I recently worked with a young couple with small children. They constantly argued and the children were always fighting. To the husband this seemed to be normal behavior because that is how life was for him growing up in his home. The wife was very unhappy in this environment and uncomfortable with what was going on at home. This is not how she was raised. She expressed her concerns to a dear friend who assured her that she was right. Her home was dysfunctional and it did not need to be that way. This cute, young mother stressed to her husband that they needed help. She convinced him to go to counseling. Through counseling and group therapy, the psychologist was able to show the husband that his perception of what goes on in a normal family home was not correct. The couple was able to make the necessary changes and is now experiencing a new level of joy at home.
When you come up against a situation or problem within your family. Examine your belief window. I find when parents are open to change, their lives improve!
As I do parenting workshops or work one on one with parents, I have found many parents are struggling to create a peaceful environment in their homes. It seems there is constant bickering between family members and relationships with their children or their spouse are so negative. Often the problem lies within the parent and their Belief Windows. Belief Windows affect the decisions we make and the actions we take with our families.
What are Belief Windows?
You cannot actually see your Belief Window because it’s invisible, but we all have one. It is figuratively attached to your head and hangs in front of your face Every time you move, that window goes with you. You look at the world through it and what you see is filtered back to you through it. Our outlook on the world around us is determined by our belief windows. We begin forming these belief windows from birth. Some of the belief statements are good, some not so good. These windows change as we change and improve.
How do these Belief Windows form?
The Beliefs on our windows:
*Come from previous experience. Example: As a child you have had a bad experience with a dog, you might believe that all dogs are vicious.
*Come from what people have taught us when we were young or from cultural messages. Example: As a child you take candy from the store and parent makes you go back and pay for it. You learn stealing is bad.
*General observations of life Example: Growing up, you watch as your father always takes out the garbage, you assume it is a husbands responsibility to take care of garbage
Some of us can barely see out of our belief windows because they are so crowded with
statements of how we believe things should be. The smaller the viewing area through our window, the less willing we will be to test our assumptions and beliefs.
Examples of destructive Family Belief Windows:
*Good moms have a clean house at all times
*Successful children get all “A’s”
*Children should be reading by the time they start kindergarten
*If we have money, or a big house, or a nice car, we will be a happy family.
*Child should attend a particular college
*Daughter should play tennis/Son should play football
*Children should never talk back to their parents
(Something is wrong is you have too many “shoulds” on your window. Be wary of “should” behaviors)
So, how well can you see out of your belief window?
Is it streaked with lots of untrue, outdated, or damaging belief statements
that limit your options in life?
Or is it clean and easy to see through, framed by tested and true belief
statements that keep your options open?
We can clear our belief windows.
First, we need to recognize and acknowledge the very existence of these belief statements and that some of them might be wrong and stopping our progression.
Second, look at the results you are getting in life. Are these results bringing you happiness or do they produce pain in your life.
Third, Ask yourself what beliefs might be on your Belief Window that could be changed. Talk to a friend or a professional to get an impartial opinion.
Fourth, Implement a new behavior and evaluate the results. A correct belief on your belief window should bring peace and happiness into your life and your family.
Examples always help:
I recently worked with a young couple with small children. They constantly argued and the children were always fighting. To the husband this seemed to be normal behavior because that is how life was for him growing up in his home. The wife was very unhappy in this environment and uncomfortable with what was going on at home. This is not how she was raised. She expressed her concerns to a dear friend who assured her that she was right. Her home was dysfunctional and it did not need to be that way. This cute, young mother stressed to her husband that they needed help. She convinced him to go to counseling. Through counseling and group therapy, the psychologist was able to show the husband that his perception of what goes on in a normal family home was not correct. The couple was able to make the necessary changes and is now experiencing a new level of joy at home.
When you come up against a situation or problem within your family. Examine your belief window. I find when parents are open to change, their lives improve!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
How to Motivate your child
How To motivate your child?
When your children are young they are loaded with motivation. As they grow and receive feedback from parents, teachers and classmates that motivation is altered. Whether it is in spelling, math, music, athletics, the key is to protect that motivation. To stay motivated, your child needs small successes along the way.
First, protect your child by setting your own standards of success
Second, set achievable goals.
Third, make sure your child gets positive feedback
To understand, here's an example of how a parent can protect their child by setting achievable goals:
In grade school it is common practice for children to be given a weekly spelling list of about twenty words. Some children in the classroom will be able to spell all twenty words with ease, while others will struggle with five. If you are the child who studies the spelling words all week and then blows the test week after week, year after year...are you going to be motivated? No. At some point you give up and quit trying.
To find a solution, set achievable goals. Work with your child to figure out how many words he can realistically learn in a week. Five? Then do only five. Explain to the teacher that your child is struggling and needs some success to stay motivated. Work out an agreement with your child's teacher so your child is only required to be tested on five words. Once your child tastes that success, he will confidently ask for additional words as his abilities improve.
We did not all learn to walk at the same age or the same speed, but we all eventually mastered it. There is no decree declaring the day, hour or minute that we must know how to read, write or spell. Children learn at their own pace and on their own time. If you push them too hard, they will become discouraged or fail.
The goal is to give them just enough to succeed, then introduce more as they are ready.
Protect your children so they can progress through life as they are ready.
Protect your child's motivation!
For more help, read ParentFix
www.parentfix.com
When your children are young they are loaded with motivation. As they grow and receive feedback from parents, teachers and classmates that motivation is altered. Whether it is in spelling, math, music, athletics, the key is to protect that motivation. To stay motivated, your child needs small successes along the way.
First, protect your child by setting your own standards of success
Second, set achievable goals.
Third, make sure your child gets positive feedback
To understand, here's an example of how a parent can protect their child by setting achievable goals:
In grade school it is common practice for children to be given a weekly spelling list of about twenty words. Some children in the classroom will be able to spell all twenty words with ease, while others will struggle with five. If you are the child who studies the spelling words all week and then blows the test week after week, year after year...are you going to be motivated? No. At some point you give up and quit trying.
To find a solution, set achievable goals. Work with your child to figure out how many words he can realistically learn in a week. Five? Then do only five. Explain to the teacher that your child is struggling and needs some success to stay motivated. Work out an agreement with your child's teacher so your child is only required to be tested on five words. Once your child tastes that success, he will confidently ask for additional words as his abilities improve.
We did not all learn to walk at the same age or the same speed, but we all eventually mastered it. There is no decree declaring the day, hour or minute that we must know how to read, write or spell. Children learn at their own pace and on their own time. If you push them too hard, they will become discouraged or fail.
The goal is to give them just enough to succeed, then introduce more as they are ready.
Protect your children so they can progress through life as they are ready.
Protect your child's motivation!
For more help, read ParentFix
www.parentfix.com
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